I don’t like the term “Facebook Stalking”. It brings to mind images of creeping around bushes and threatening people who don’t want to you around. I prefer the term “drive by peeping”. That’s more like what I do when I’m bored and curious about what my ex friends are up to. I promise that I’m not a creep, not often anyway. I just like to know that I’m doing as good or better than the people who have hurt me in the past.
This past weekend I was working on my genealogy and noticed that a hint popped up for my ex boyfriend. The reason he’s on my family tree, is that we had lost a baby back in 2006. Since he is the father I felt it was only right to put him in there. After looking at his name for a moment I thought “I wonder what he’s up to and if he still lives in (state).” So I opened a tab and pulled up Facebook. After a few minutes of various searches I found him. I have no idea what I was expecting. Maybe he would look like crap and be holding a sign that said how sorry he was and that he wanted me back. I don’t know what I expected but it was not what I saw. He had gotten married.
My first feelings were of devastation and anger. This was the guy that I had once planned getting married to. We had talked about what kinds of pies we would have (because he didn’t like cake) and what the colors would be. Then he suddenly decided that I wasn’t the person he wanted to marry and we broke up. He had broken my heart and my dreams and yet now he was getting everything that I had once wanted. I was angry, but I was also sad because I wasn’t enough for him.
Once I had my feelings in control I remember that we were not a good match for each other. He’s not a bad guy, just wasn’t the right guy for me. So why did I have such a strong reaction to learning that he had gotten married? I think it’s because I got swept up in the life I used to want. Of course I would like to get married, but it’s not my main focus in dating anymore. Today I have much better control of my reactions, but I still find myself daydreaming about those beautiful wedding pictures I saw on the Facebook page. Don’t get me wrong, I am 100% over the man and I am 100% happy that he’s found someone who makes him happy .
To help myself be better prepared for the next time peeping on someone makes me question my life, there are 5 things I’m going to do instead of loading Facebook.
1.) Go outside for a run. – I need to exercise more anymore and this would be a good reason get out of the house.
2.) Pull out my favorite book. – There is nothing better to distract myself than my favorite book. I would get caught up for hours in it and by then the urge to peep will be gone.
3.) Write a letter to my pen pal. – I’m lucky that I have a friend in Norway that I can share my love of books and history with. Once I get started on one of those topics I can be busy for awhile.
4.) Call my mother or my sister. – Instead of looking into someone I haven’t talked to in years, I need to keep in touch better with my family and friends I currently have.
5.) Load up my favorite time wasting game. – There are tons of games out there that suck you in. I will open one of those and disappear for hours. Besides I can meet loads of people with them and who knows maybe meet mister right.
I try hard to not live in the past and let people more on that don’t want to be in my life anymore. As a young adult writer, it’s hard sometimes because I’m always living in my teenage years, remember the emotions and struggles I faced. But that is no reason to live in the past, as the famous quote says “Some people come into your life as blessings. Others some into your life as lessons.”